A Word I Wish I’d Said Less
Regrets on the verge of dropping off my youngest at college
One day not so many years ago, I read two long articles, back to back, on the role parents play in their children’s stress and success and I made a decision. When they came through the kitchen door that afternoon, I said, “Girls, I have a major announcement.” They looked alarmed. “I no long want to see or discuss your grades.” Georgia wanted to know what I meant, exactly. Claire was sure it was a trick. [I am not a casual parent. I know what I want for my kids and I’m both serious and direct about my expectations.]
“If,” I said, “you want to talk about a book you’re reading or a paper you’re writing or ideas of any size or shape, I’m all in — but grades and grading scales and whatever you need to get on the final to get whatever grade you’re trying to get for the semester? That stuff is off limits.” Based on the position of their eyebrows, I felt compelled to go on. “Dad and I are not registering for Infinite Campus or Schoology. We won’t be checking your assignments or test scores online. Your grades are your deal.”
Habits are notoriously hard to break and grade fixation is no exception. Talking about school without talking about grades required new conversations, which is to say new questions. All my chatty standbys — how was the math test? Is…
